Painting validating artist
I would figure myself out and add, bit by bit, to my model.I recall sitting, looking into the bright sky and looking at the small thingeys that moved across my vision – on the surface of my eyeball?And I see things about you that you do not know about. I personally think this is a tremendous advantage – to have someone who can see things about me that I can’t. You strongly dislike what comes across as my arrogance.
I could understand my partner and she might still feel misunderstood. What is a person, and what parts of them do they want us to understand?Over the years I repeated this process over and over, figuring things out about myself. It is the vast collection of answers to the question, “Who am I? But I, “that lazy boy”, perservered and looked up the terms in dictionaries and spoke more about it with my English teacher. I learned to joke that “immature” meant anything I did.” Over the years, as it became more complete (I doubt that it is ever complete) it became more reliable. But he didn’t have a strong model of himself and so, as he was describing his day, he switched from telling me of his Self (“I had a nice day”) to telling me of his Defined Self (“I am bad” thinks my wife) without his own awareness. I learned that the term “immature” involves a definition of behavior that is specific to a community. He told me the world was a community, a nation is a community, a town is a community, a family is a community. I decided then and there, that since he thought I was immature, then I thought dad was immature. As I began to separate my Self from my Defined-Self (what they thought of me), I began to see I was a pretty damn good guy. I began to build Self-esteem – a reliable sense of liking of me.I had had a debate with my wife and I argued it out with her all the way home, trying different starting sentences. And, if they say, “I don’t know why they do that”, I will ask them where the answer is.
Very few pop up with the answer, “The answer is in them.” I think it critical to teach people the difference between their model of why their partner does things, and their partner’s model of why they do things.
This view of myself would change from time to time as I forgot things about myself and as I recalled things. While I will describe myself using my perceptions and thoughts, your understanding of me may also include using your perceptions and thoughts. How I see myself, and how I tell you about myself, will be different from what you see of me. How you see yourself, and what you tell me about yourself, will be different from what I see of you. These can be shared or kept secret – yet they exist.